I'm tired of pretending.

I'm tired of pretending that I'm willing to change being rigid or that I'm willing to break away from my routine that I'm comfortable with. 

I know that I have some extreme OCD tendencies that hold me back from doing things.
I know that I'm not adventurous or spontaneous or easy going. 
I know that this is unfortunate and it sucks, but I also know that there are worse things.

No, I don't want to go shopping 30 minutes before lunchtime and eat lunch at 3:30 PM. 
I'll eat my lunch around noon, like I always do. 
No, I don't want to sleep in instead of getting up early to run at the same time every single day. 
I'll run my 5+ miles while everyone else is sleeping, like I always do.  
No, I don't want to eat something else for lunch.  
I'll eat my delicious veggie sandwich, piece or fruit, and dessert like I do every single day.

Completely unnecessary and obsessive compulsive? Yes.
Well too bad, that's just who I am and I can't change that.