Sorry, but I just need to vent.

I haven't been writing much lately, and I probably won't be for a while.  To some extent, I've been shutting myself off from everyone and everything.  I'm trying as hard as I can to stay strong, but it's been a struggle.  Two weeks ago I strained my groin muscle while out on a run.  It was freezing cold and super windy.  I was about half a mile from my apartment, so I slowly and painfully limped back.  I was devastated.  Especially since four months ago I had a very similar terrible experience and strained the groin muscle on the other leg.  However, my injury was getting better.  I was able to walk around fine. I was even to the point where I was able to do some cross training (biking, weights, etc.) at the gym.  After an excellent workout yesterday morning, I was happy that things were finally starting to look up. 

Around 11 AM yesterday, I went to take the recycling to the bins that are about a block down the street.  There was a lot of it.  I was carrying a box full of bottles and cardboard along with a garbage bag full of other random recyclables.  All of the sudden I stepped wrong on an uneven piece of sidewalk and went down, HARD, RIGHT ON MY STRAINED GROIN/HIP.  I couldn't move.  I've never been in so much pain in my entire life.  The ambulance came.  They could barely get me into the car.  My leg was shaking uncontrollably.  There was shooting pain all through my hip and groin. Last night, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to lift my leg enough to get into my bed.  So I just sat there, in pain, not sure what to do. I hate, hate, hate self pity.  But it's hard to avoid when you can't even bend over enough to put socks on your cold feet. 

I know that there are always worse things that could have happened.  I know that there is nothing that I can do about it now. I know that this blog post sounds all dramatic and like I'm asking for sympathy or something.  I'm not.  Don't feel bad for me, because that would just make me feel bad that you are feeling bad for me.  It's a vicious cycle.  It's ironic that two weeks ago when I strained my groin, I felt like it was the end of the world.  But now I'm aware that it wasn't as bad as it could have been.  Now, I'm in sooo much more pain.  I'm so much more limited on what I can do.  Now my pain from two weeks ago doesn't even seem so bad.  

I'm just going to say it, because it's the truth.  Because I need to get it off my chest.  Because I need to get over it and move on and be strong and be positive.  I am totally and completely miserable right now.  Well, I suppose that it can only go up from here. I hope...