What Could Have Been

I haven't been blogging very much lately and I'm not really sure why.  It's a combination of forgetting to do so, working on my online summer classes a lot, and just not really having much that I want to write about.

This morning it was raining when I woke up.  Although I try to avoid running inside at all costs, I opted for the rec. so that I could run on the indoor track.  Usually I just run in the rain (even if it's pouring) but I wasn't feeling it today.  I was very confused when I saw a ton of younger girls in huge, prom-like dresses strutting around the gym at the community center.  Apparently it was the Regional baton twirler pageant.  

About half way into my run a woman who was probably in her 40's entered the track.  It was a frightening sight for several reasons. First of all, her body was freakishly thin.  Her thighs were non existent.  By that I mean that her legs were so skinny that there wasn't even a different between the circumference of her calves compared to that of her upper legs.  Her shoulder bones protruded from underneath her tank top.  The yoga shorts that she was wearing, which are meant to be skin tight, were baggy on her. 

Senior year of high school, when my body had been tormented by the years of cross country running paired with restrictive eating, my body looked very similar to hers.  The pictures from those years in my life still haunt me sometimes.  Although I no that I still have more work to do with looking healthy again, I am on my way. I actually have thighs.  I have newly formed fat on my stomach which I have learned to embrace as a sign of progress.   

This woman was a look into what could have been if I had continued down that path.  Unfortunately when I was in Spain I made a few backwards steps, but I have recovered from that.  Last week when I saw my family for my cousins wedding, two of my aunts actually commented to my mom that my body was looking good.  I can't even explain how much that meant to me. 

I wonder what that woman thinks when she looks in the mirror.  I wonder what her story is.  I wonder if she is worried or embarrassed about her current state.  Or is she just in denial? Possibly. I guess I will never know...